Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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