yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
