Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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