Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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