She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
