Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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