HIV tests are more positive than that guy
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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