How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
