she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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