i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
