Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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