best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
