That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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