GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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