I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
