Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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