Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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