wat bout pragnant strippers??
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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