Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
