I molested 6 butterflies tonight
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
