How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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