Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I looked at my own cervix.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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