wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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