you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
