I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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