she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she smelled like a LAN party
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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