Welp...herpes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
