I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
