batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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