she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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