Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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