We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize