in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
