it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
