oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
