You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
