I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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