I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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