meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
