did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
