this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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