giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
