FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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