i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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