How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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