Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
