i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
