wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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