my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
