He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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