plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
