There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
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