Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
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