the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
worst night to have a conscience
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Randomize
