I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
