she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
