She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
