I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
