One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
