Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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