At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
