It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
