You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
