how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
