My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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