Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
