This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
