Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
