I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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