Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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