i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
