Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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